Dean Spiller is a 32-year-old seminarian of the Archdiocese of Johannesburg, South Africa. He is studying in Rome "thanks to the kindness and generosity of my diocese and the CARF scholarship program," he says. He is a resident of the Ecclesiastical College Sedes Sapientiae and studies at the Pontifical University of the Holy Cross. Still surprised at his call to the priesthood, "a different path from those offered and exalted by the world," he recounts his vocation testimony.
"I have had the experience of following many different paths at various stages of my life. Some were my own decisions but other times, I was swayed by the proposals that others offered me. Shile some of these ways brought me momentary happiness, I always wondered: Is this my path, is this really the most important thing in life? After a time of searching, I finally realized that the paths that had led me to a certain true and lasting commitment had always turned out to be those in which Our Lord led me.
Once I realized that I really could not achieve true happiness without Jesus, I began to commit my decisions to prayer for him to guide my paths. At first it was not easy, I was dragging bad habits in my life, and little by little, with the help of His grace, some good friends, spiritual direction and the sacraments, I became more open to the Lord.
I started with small decisions like what music should I listen to, should I accept these movies that my friend has pirated, and ended with bigger ones: should I take my vocation seriously and be open to leaving everything I have and the people I love to discover God's will for my life? . This was, I believe, one of the most important steps towards a more authentic Christian life and one that ultimately made me open to this call."
My younger sister, Shannon, and I were raised Catholic. We were well off because of my parents' hard work to provide for us. Their love, commitment and sacrifice as well as showing interest in our lives were characteristics of my parents that influenced my vocational history.
My father's (John) family has always been Catholic, while my mother (Sharon), was not, although she often made sure to prepare us every Sunday to attend Holy Mass (and she attended most weeks as well). Finally, my mother converted to Catholicism about eight years ago, to the joy and excitement of all of us.
My mother, Catholic or not, has always been the most selfless person I have ever known. We have always been a close-knit family. The fact that my parents celebrated their 37th wedding anniversary this year is a testament to their love and commitment to our family and to each other. Their examples taught me the true meaning of love in all circumstances.
As a teenager, I attended a secular high school. During that time my sister and I attended catechism classes and were confirmed. To be honest at this stage, my level of interest in the classes was usually based on whether or not the girl in our class that I liked would be there that week (such are the ways of teenagers, although there is no doubt that the Lord used this to draw me closer to Him).
I attended the youth group at our parish on occasion, but it was more of a social event for me. I believe that in my confirmation I had a sincere desire to follow Our Lord, but my lifestyle and friends did not provide an environment for living a truly Christian life, so for many years I had two lives: one from Monday to Saturday and the other on Sunday.
After high school, I studied and completed aa degree in computer science and (oddly enough) psychology.. After college, I spent two years working as a consultant for a company associated with Microsoft, a time when I learned a lot about myself and grew a lot as a person in my interactions with clients, as well as in my friendships with my peers, who did not always share my beliefs.
I also noticed that when people are worried about their computers not working (or anything they don't understand), they are generally not easy to deal with. That taught me a lot about patience and understanding.
Another thing that was significant for me after I left high school was to join to the parish youth music ministry. Here I met some good people who had a good influence on me (not to mention teaching me how to play guitar and sing in a group). This ministry really resonated with me and soon I was practicing on my own for hours, as well as trying to write my own songs as prayers to Our Lord.
During this time, I had been getting involved with a group in a nearby parish that was exploring and teaching the writings of Pope St. John Paul II on the human person, love and sexuality (often referred to as "Theology of the Body").
We met every week for almost 5 years, and soon began running programs for parishes, youth groups and high schools (instead of secular sex education programs).
After finding a place where I could be myself and share my yearnings with other young Catholics, I experienced a profound journey of conversion through this teaching and through the incredible community that was newly formed.
It was not just a spiritual moment like the ones I had experienced before at the retreats I had attended (after which I often quickly returned to my old lifestyle). With the companionship, continuous support and grace that I received in the sacramentsI was able to correct many of the behaviors that damaged my relationships and ultimately prevented me from having a deeper faith.
In light of all this, in addition to having recorded and released an album of Christian worship songs I had written in 2010, I decided that while the work I had been doing had helped me grow personally, I didn't feel that I was using all the talents I had in the most effective way to help others and do the Lord's work.
At this stage, I was offered a job in high school as a webmaster, graphic designer, religion teacher, retreat teacher and musician. The job for me seemed like a stepping stone to what I was most capable of doing and I accepted after a short time of discernment. I also continued to play music in my parish at Holy Mass every Sunday.
My time at the school turned out to be very formative in several ways. Sharing the Catholic faith with these young people was a truly incredible experience.. It was there that I met my first official spiritual director.
Father Manu, a priest at work, came to the school weekly to talk to the children and hear confessions during youth group meetings. Soon I began to talk to him weekly and for the first time I experienced a steady and substantial growth in my spiritual life. Father Manu's constant care, prayer and advice really bore abundant fruit in my spiritual life.
After two years, "The Foundation for the Person and the family". offered me a job, an organization that our Theology of the Body group had established to make resources available at more affordable prices in our country. The work with schools and parishes had grown to such an extent that it was decided that a full time employee was needed to take the base forward and after considering it for a while, I took the job.
During those two years we managed to do a lot of things: we present programs and talks to thousands of South Africans in schools, parishes and retreats on the topics of God, love, life, sex and sexuality.
We also organized a speaking tour by Christopher West (a Theology of the Body expert from the United States) to our country; instituted and led the first Rachel's Vineyard abortion healing retreat in the country; and rallied Catholics through our many community-building fundraisers and social events.
This work for me was truly rewarding, as well as incredibly eye-opening to the environment and struggles facing young people today. I was also able to experience firsthand the great wisdom and liberating power of the Church's teachings, especially when it comes to our bodies and relationships with others.
It was always amazing for me to be able to present the true meaning of Love, through my personal experiences, and to be able to answer important questions about difficult issues such as purity, chastity, pornography and homosexuality with the truth of the Gospel.
Dean Spiller is a seminarian of the Archdiocese of Johannesburg, South Africa.
During this time, my spiritual director suggested that I should begin to pray about my vocation. This was a difficult time for me. I realized that for many years I had I was so afraid of having a vocation to the priesthood or religious life that I never allowed myself to explore this.
Now, however, I had reached a point where I could see the incredible power and value of the priesthood. By living chastity in the single life I became open to the idea that it could be a "good" for me, not just for other people.
Looking back, I can now see that I had unknowingly believed one of the lies the world had been telling me. It is said that in many of the devil's lies, half-truths are often hidden, and that this is how he makes us agree with him or give in to temptations.
It is true that everyone needs privacy. We cannot live without intimacy; the human person is created for love. The lie I believed for many years was that intimacy could only be found in romantic relationships (in physical intimacy and ultimately sex).
I thought that to really fulfill this requirement, I would have to have a girlfriend and get married someday. However, my life as a single man led me to see that, with God's grace, true friendships can be as fulfilling as any other relationship, and above all to live true friendship with Jesus, intimacy with him.
A nun I heard giving a talk said that intimacy means something that sounds like: "within me, to see," that is, to be known and loved at our deepest levels, and to know and love others deeply. We can live without sex, but we cannot live without intimacy.
Maybe this is something quite obvious to many people, but for me it was a turning point. This realization changed my life. I began to see the story of my spiritual journey in a different light. All the things I had tried and failed at, all the nights I had spent organizing youth meetings or practicing music, all made sense to me in light of this calling and way of life.
After a time of prayer and discernment and many conversations with some good priests, I decided to take the opportunity, to "risk God" as they say, and talk to my bishop about being accepted into the Archdiocese as a seminarian.
Although it was a difficult reality for my parents to accept, they gave me their blessing. While I knew it would be difficult for them, I never doubted that they would support me, such is their love and selflessness. Our Bishop is a good and prayerful man, and the fact that he sent me to Rome to study was an incredible moment for me, as well as another confirmation that I was doing this with God's blessing.
Before I came to Rome, we celebrated the birth of my sister's first daughter. We joke that Our Lord even sent my family a replacement while I am away (but still gave me time to meet her and become her godfather).
Months later, I am in Rome, living in a university with hundreds of seminarians and priests. I am absorbing the culture, grace and knowledge offered to me daily through the eternal city, the spiritual life of the university and the incredibly knowledgeable and saintly professors of the Pontifical University of the Holy Cross.
I am also humbled daily by the incredible generosity and service of everyone that makes it possible for us to be here. I am truly grateful to CARF and all my benefactors for their generosity and love, and I want them to know that I am praying for them as sisters and brothers.
