On self-acceptance

Self-acceptance

This does not mean "letting go" but working on reality and, if necessary, fighting for it.We have to transform it, to improve it as far as it depends on us, even if it is only "a grain of sand".

In the animal there is only an agreement with itself, the dynamics of the human spirit, which consists of a tension between being and desire, does not exist.Tension: between what we are and what we want to be. Tension is good, as long as it keeps us in reality and does not make us take refuge in fantasies.

Start with self-acceptance

One can begin by accepting oneself: circumstances, character, temperament, strengths and weaknesses, possibilities and limits. This is not obvious, because one often does not accept oneselfThere is boredom, protest, evasion by imagination, disguises and masks of what we are, not only before others but also before ourselves.

And this is not good. But it hides the reality of a desire to grow, which belongs to wisdom. "I can and must work on my vital structurebut, above all, I must say 'yes' to what it is, otherwise everything becomes inauthentic" (ibid., pp. 142f.).

Thus, he who has been given by nature a practical sense, must take advantage of it, but conscious that he lacks imagination and creativity. While the artist must suffer seasons of emptiness and discouragement, He who is very sensitive sees more, but suffers more. He who is cold-hearted and unaffected by anything risks being unaware of great aspects of human existence. Each one must accept what he has, purify it in order to serve others with it, and fight for what he does not have, counting also on others. 

In practice: Present

This is not easy. You have to start by calling good good things good, bad things bad; without getting upset when something goes wrong or you are corrected. Only by recognizing my own defects, which are gradually becoming known, do I have the real basis for my self-improvement.

It is also necessary to accept the life situation, the stage of life we are in and the historical era in which I live.I do not try to escape from these realities: I try to know them and to improve them. One cannot escape into the past or into the future, without to value the present.

Acceptance of destination

This is where the acceptance of destiny comes in (discussed by R. Spaemann in the last chapter of Ethics: Fundamental Questions, Pamplona 2010). Destiny is not random, but the result of the connection of interior and exterior elements.some of which depend on us. First of all on our dispositions, character, nature, etc. (again: self-acceptance). But it is also the result of our freedom in the day to day, also in the small things that we let or do not let pass.

Accepting oneself or one's destiny can become difficult when it comes the pain or suffering. That is why it includes the ability to learn from suffering, without limiting oneself to avoiding itWe are trying to understand it, of course, as far as possible, but we are trying to understand it, learn from him.

To accept one's own life is to accept it as received, received from one's parents, from the historical situation and from one's ancestors, but also, one might wisely think, from God.

According to Christianity, God has experience of our problems because he has taken on flesh in Jesus Christ, who made himself vulnerable to the extreme, but with full freedom. Y In God there is no lack of meaning. A meaning that is not only rational but at the same time love..

For this reason we must not confuse the fact that I do not understand the meaning of this situation today and now, with the fact that this situation has a meaning in the whole of my life.that I must discover and take advantage of with confidence.

An ethics for our times

In addition to the book cited in this article, see the first part (original 1953) of his little book: "La aceptación de sí mismo; las edades de la vida", Cristiandad, Madrid 1977. The theme of acceptance was developed by the author ten years later in a second book on the virtues, which is the one referred to in our text. Cf. "Acceptance", in An ethics for our times (originally titled "Tugenden," virtues, and published as the second part of The essence of Christianity, Cristiandad, Madrid 2007, pp. 139-151); in this case acceptance is considered a virtue along with others in the area of self-mastery (such as respect and fidelity, patience and asceticism, courage and bravery, concentration and silence), the search for truth and solidarity.