She went to confession for the first time at the age of 21 in Medjugorje, a pilgrimage she did not want to attend, but could not resist. This is her testimony told in first person.
It is a pleasure to tell my story to the benefactors of the CARF FoundationI thank them also on behalf of the Oasis of Peace Marian Community, to which I belong and in whose general house I currently live, north of Rome.
My story could be defined as something particular, although all of them are particular in the eyes of God. I was born and raised in the Orthodox Church and my origin is summed up in my name. Roberta, the baptismal name representing the Latin part of my roots coming from my father, an Italian from the province of Rome and Sofia, received at the time of my first religious profession, of Greek origin, as my mother is from Athens.
This is the great richness that has always accompanied me and that also gives color to the specific call that I live in the particular charism raised up by the Spirit within my community.
I was baptized by my parents' decision in the Orthodox Church, as was my younger brother, and, for this reason according to the Byzantine rite, I received baptism, communion and confirmation at the same time, when I was only six months old.. This means that I did not have a common path for the baptized of the Catholic Church, where there is a catechetical itinerary of preparation for Confirmation. Christian life and to the sacraments.
When I was young, faith and religion were something distant and lukewarm in me. However, I liked religion class in school and my mother's faith encouraged me. I did not reject God, but I did not cultivate a close relationship with Him. We used to go to Mass conventionally at Christmas and Easter. In fact, my family was not practicing.
My mother, who came to study medicine in Italy when she was young and met my father there, rediscovered the faith around the age of 40, thanks to friends with whom she frequented prayer groups and Catholic movements, as well as the community to which I belong today.
However, the awareness of division among Christians caused him pain, discomfort and many doubts. I believe that the Lord was preparing the way for a greater plan within my 'ecumenical' family. This time of lukewarmness was important to raise questions that I carried in my heart and to hear within me an emptiness that speaks.
At that time, before I discovered my vocation, I was a young woman who, after graduating from high school, was wondering about her future; how to live her life better, who felt that I should dedicate myself in some way to others. I enrolled in electrical engineering school. I liked and was fascinated by everything, but not being clear about my path yet, I turned to where I knew I had a great job opportunity, as my father worked in this sector.
However, I did not feel happy at the age of 21, when life is all about progress and should be full of strength and joy. I was not in my place, on the right path, and I strongly felt that something profound was missing in my life: I was searching for the meaning of my existence in the world.
Precisely in this difficult and lost period, the Lord came to meet me. In a hot summer of 2007, while planning vacations and concerts with friends, my mother wanted to give me a present for my birthday: a trip to Medjugorje Imagine my dismay at such a proposal!
I had no idea what it was all about and no desire or reason to go. Among other things, I was on a waiting list, because the places were full and the chances of my going were very uncertain. But the faith of my mother was greater, who always wanted to pass on the faith to her children and entrusted herself to Our Lady, who did not hesitate to call me!
Although I was on the waiting list, just the day before the departure of this trip, I received a phone call from a priest of the Oasis of Peace Marian Community who was organizing the pilgrimage.
I had no idea who the priest was, but as soon as he announced that there was a place available, I explained to him all my objections: other summer plans were waiting for me. The priest's answer was lapidary and pierced my heart: Roberta! When Our Lady calls, she calls! So you can leave everything behind and come to Medjugorje now.
I could have told him that I could also postpone this pilgrimage for a future occasion, because what I wanted was to go to the concert. I instinctively replied with a quick I'll think about it, and hung up on the patient priest.
The window I left open in that response was the crack into which God's grace slipped! I locked myself in my room with my head between my legs and gave myself a chance to think about what to do. In that instant I perceived internally with an astonishing clarity, as never before, that I had to undertake this journey. Such a thing could not have happened to me, as I was not at all predisposed to this experience, much less knowing what the place was, what was happening there and without any experience of prayer or cultivated faith.
My mother did not want to tell me anything so as not to influence me, I was like a blank sheet of paper in front of the unknown on which God was already writing his plan of love and salvation. So I called that priest and said, "Okay, I will go with you," not knowing the value that such an innocent statement would have later. And I embarked on the most important journey of my life.. In that place I experienced all the amazement of so many young people who were praying with faith and joy, I discovered all the Love of God that was waiting for me through the Virgin and her infinite maternal heart.
Little by little my soul opened up to the mystery of the daily life of communion shared in those simple places where thousands of people return converted and transfigured by an authentic encounter. Mary was so alive and present in Medjugorje that I could not describe her, but I perceived her welcoming her as a child who begins to crawl to be in front of a new life tinged with meaning, peace, joy, gratitude. I felt so free and loved by a Father God who could not wait for his daughter to return to his heart.
In this miraculous village in Bosnia-Herzegovina, at the age of 21, I made the first confession of my life. It was a moment of great grace, I didn't even know what to do, but it was an opportunity that I felt I had to seize by approaching it with a little fear.
The priest stared at me and, When he found out that I had never gone to confession, he asked me if I knew Jesus and if I wanted to do so. I said yes with all my heart and simply wept throughout the confession as I felt the heavens open above me and the Spirit descended like a cascade of cool water.
I came back completely transfigured from that trip. It was the beginning of a very strong conversion. My life after this profound encounter with Jesus changed radically, in my choices and in my heart. I found a new impetus and vigor also for my future by deciding to enroll in the Faculty of Architecture at La Sapienza University in Rome, where I later obtained a master's degree.
Meanwhile, my love for God and Mary grew, I thirsted to know them and began to frequent the community, learning to pray, to adore the Lord, to enjoy their friendship. Everything flourished again while my family watched in amazement at this change. I continued to live my youth among study, friends, prayer. I thanked the Lord every day for the gift of faith and the living encounter with Him.
However, something else moved my heart, attracted more and more by this Love. I felt deeply wooed by the Lord, but in my rationality I tried to keep my feet on the ground, thinking that these were the effects of this great conversion.
It was at that time that I began again to frequent the Orthodox Church to learn and deepen my confessional origins, while, at the same time, the Catholic Church had adopted me and I grew in faith. A seed of vocation was being prepared, I felt in my heart that I belonged entirely to God, but this at the same time frightened me. It was a request that I perceived as too great and too demanding. I was orthodox, the Lord could not ask so much of me, I thought. I struggled hoping that in time everything would pass, but years passed and this torment grew in my heart.
I then decided to trust and open my heart to be accompanied in the discernment that required a double listening for me. This long journey that I undertook led me first to embrace the Catholic faith, and then to question myself about my specific vocation.
At the beginning it was not easy, especially for my family, but God's grace was more abundant and supported me in many storms. I was under the mantle of Mary who helped me to let my heart be pacified by Christ, to let my wounds heal, to prepare me to mature my yes. My place was with her to collaborate in her mission of peace in many hearts, to build bridges of unity and dialogue.
The community of which I am a part today is an international reality, mixed and contemplative but open to welcome, of celibate brothers and sisters and of consecrated priests and aggregate and secular families who share the specific charism, living it in their own state of life where they find it. We make a fourth vow, that of being peace, which defines our charism, that is, to conform our Peace to Christ and to radiate the gift of Peace in the Church and in humanity through a life of intercession. With a welcoming and humble offering, according to a properly Eucharistic and Marian spirituality, since Mary is the Mother of our community. From her we learn the depth of prayer in the Spirit in order to live her attitudes. This is the place that God prepared to live my spousal relationship with Him and the gift of myself.
The path of pacification and unification that I continue to live even today, with the help of grace, is the one that we want to share with many hearts that experience the lack of peace due to the estrangement from God.They are thirsty for Him, they need to rediscover Him, just as in a cardiology clinic where the first challenge of peace is that of inner renewal.
For me peace is this inner journey of grace to share with many souls to be led back to Christ, through Mary, but it also has the flavor of unity, communion, dialogue to break down every wall of division according to the desire of the heart of Christ, that all may be one so that the world may believe! I bring this legacy of life to the community that is inserted in our charism with the desire to develop this ecumenical sensitivity.
By the will of God, at the request of my Superior General, I began my studies in the first year of Philosophy at the Pontifical University of the Holy Cross, before continuing my studies in Theology, with great gratitude to the benefactors of the CARF FoundationFor this opportunity of growth and formation, which is a great gift for me and for those whom the Lord will place on my path. Allowing myself to open the horizons of my heart and mind, I continue to let myself be guided by Mary on the path of Peace and I remember you all before Jesus and Our Lady.
Gerardo Ferrara
BA in History and Political Science, specializing in the Middle East.
Head of the student body at the Pontifical University of the Holy Cross in Rome.
